A Resilient Heart: Navigating Life’s Storms with Strength

There is no shortage of things I’m grateful for, but when I look at my life as a whole, I feel like I’ve been in a long battle. Childhood abuse, my parents’ divorce when I was 10, car accidents, substance abuse, miscarriage, a traumatic childbirth, CPTSD, many deaths, and losing the use of my eyes for two years.

Very hard times. I’m also sure you’ve had your share of suffering. 💕

How did you make it through? How did you pick yourself back up again and weather the storm? How are you here today?

| “Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going.” — Yasmin Mogahed

I wasn’t always resilient through trauma or life challenges. Sometimes, I felt broken, beat up, numb, defeated, and shattered.

Resilience doesn’t mean we always “bounce back up” immediately whenever we fall. After all, we’re humans and have emotions for a reason. Sometimes, our challenge feels bigger than us, and we become overwhelmed.

Resilience also doesn’t mean that you act tough like nothing can get to you, and not honor or acknowledge whatever painful emotions you’re really feeling inside. (I did that for years and wouldn’t cry.)

| "It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.” — Dieter F.

Repressed feelings don’t disappear. They linger beneath the surface, causing inner turmoil that manifests as anxiety, depression, health issues, relationship issues, and increased stress in your body. This is not resilience.

If you stuff the pain down and never give space to the feelings from what you experience, you close the doors to growth, transformation, courage, strength, healing, and all of the gifts that that challenge had for you.

I can say honestly that no matter how traumatic the challenge, I always found a gift in it. The gift may come years later, but if you look for it, you will find it.

| “Do not judge me by my success; judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” — Nelson Mandela

Resilience is about developing the mindset, skills, and support system that will enable you to navigate life’s challenges effectively.

The better your resilience, the better your quality of life, your composure and flexibility with change, your problem-solving skills, relationships, positive outlook, and personal growth.

Don’t be dismayed if you’re reading this and feel those parts of your life aren’t stellar. Resilience is a muscle. It’s a spectrum from low to high, and everyone falls somewhere on that spectrum. The good news is that you can always change your position and improve.

How to grow your resilience muscle:

1. Develop a growth mindset.

This was the most impactful tool for me. Look for the gift in the challenge and opportunities for growth in every difficult circumstance.

2. Be kind to yourself.

You need to be on your side when facing a challenge. Avoid self-criticism or self-judgment. Show yourself compassion for what you’re going through.

3. Embrace change.

I’ve learned that resistance to change equals misery. Change is a natural part of life, and the faster we can adjust, adapt, and find new opportunities within the change, the faster we move forward positively.

4. Practice mindfulness and self-awareness.

When we’re hit with challenges, staying present (not dwelling on the past or future what-ifs) keeps us focused on what’s happening and finding a solution. Check in with yourself and see how you’re doing, allowing any feelings without judgment.

5. Learn from adversity.

Reflect on past challenges and what you’ve gained from them. Acknowledge what you’ve come through, which will set you up to be more resilient in the future.

6. Maintain a positive outlook.

Focus on the solutions rather than the problems. Maintain an optimistic and hopeful perspective, especially when times get tough.

7. Maintain a strong social network.

Build up supportive relationships with friends, family, and mentors. Seek help when needed, and offer support to others in return.

8. Develop problem-solving skills.

Hone your ability to analyze problems, make wise decisions, and take constructive action. Use the resources around you to help you gain whatever knowledge you need to grow.

9. Learn to manage your emotions.

Work on calm responses rather than allowing emotional roller-coaster reactions to life’s challenges. Learn calming skills like breathwork and see my grounding techniques to help you manage your emotions during stressful times.

10. Maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Sleep is critical for stress management, as is good nutrition and exercise. Avoid excessive junk and processed food, and aim for clean eating and whole foods as much as possible. Take daily time to care for yourself, manage stress, and relax.

11. Build resilience habits.

Implement daily tools to help you build resilience, such as keeping a gratitude journal, regular exercise, self-care, and having creative outlets.

12. Seek professional help.

Sometimes, we can’t see a way through, and that’s okay. Professionals are trained to help you see new perspectives, ask the right questions to give you powerful insight, and offer encouragement and unbiased suggestions (rather than the rainbow of opinions you tend to get from the people who love you and mean well). It can be a game-changer.

| “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” ~Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

Challenges, failures, and setbacks are a part of life. Embracing my trauma set fire to my spirit, empowered me, refined my purpose in life, built character, strength, courage, and resilience, and gave me immense gratitude for the blessings I have and receive each day.

When life brings chaos and difficulty, it can take us by surprise. But when you catch your breath and find your bearings again, know you can do this. You can rise up and grow in wisdom and grace. Embracing the challenges can change the trajectory of the rest of your life.